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Chapter Thirty-Five - DIE BITCH, DIE! - |
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My career is nowhere, my marriage is a failure, I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, and I’m turning thirty. That didn’t feel quite right anymore. The Mantra of Twenty-Nine was in need of an update. My career is nowhere, all my relationships are failures, and I’m thirty. That’s better, but there’s still something missing. I’m not my father. There.
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It’s all about the choices. Or not. When avoiding gainful employment in the most traditional sense, the proper rationalization is “I didn’t choose music - it chose me.” Any artist, con or otherwise, worth his girlfriend’s paycheck knows that. But even then choices are unavoidable. For instance, in the middle of the shit storm I was weathering poorly, a drummer friend gave me the phone number of his friend the Songwriter who was looking for other writers to collaborate with. “Dude, you should call.” “Thanks but,” I chose to say, “I’m not really into writing with anybody else right now.” Nonetheless, I scribbled the Songwriter’s number on a Post-It and stuck it on my computer monitor, where it could stare me in the face, mocking me, as the Songwriter went on to be one of the most successful songwriters of all time, wracking up enough number-one hits to become the third largest publisher in the world without the help of choice-makers like me. Songwriter now lives in a multi-million dollar mansion in the Hollywood hills. I live with a faded Post-It note still stuck to my computer screen as a reminder. Meanwhile, the Muse chose to return with a vengeance to yank all the anger, hurt, sadness, frustration, and despair out from my guts in one dense furball. I have no memory of writing. I remember an extended and continuous stretch of vomiting, bleeding, sneezing, pissing, crying, and otherwise excreting. And when I finally came up for air, wiping my mouth, I’d passed eighteen boy-loses-girl-how-could-you-do-this-to-me-I’ll-die-if-you-don’t-come-back-please-it-was-all-my-fault-fuck-yous. Samples of which you may choose from here. |
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Being Right Sorry I Ruined Your Life* Was It Worth It Things I Should Forget* So Hung Up On You Chase Your Heart Away MORE TO COME *My Faves |
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